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The Worst Possible Blue Jays Lineup

The debate about the batting order is usually a fun exercise for Jays fans, given how many great hitters are currently on their payroll. Occasional gripes about manager John Gibbons’ preferences for the order are generally outweighed by the depth of talent that’s on the ros-…wait they just hit another home run, because they all hit home runs…-er.

With September callups starting to make the dugout a little more crowded, the bench has gotten a little wider, and Gibbons can be more liberal with his substitutions late in games, whether for defensive purposes or to give some of the stars a breather. The other side of this is the potential for awful lineups. We saw this a couple of times near the end of 2015, against Baltimore after the Jays had clinched the division, and at other times when the Jays got blown out and Gibbons emptied the bench.

With this Jays team, it’s fairly easy to make a good lineup, but what about a bad one? What’s the worst potential combination of players we can make, and in what order would we put them to make them as ineffective as possible? Let’s find out.  I’m not going to use pitchers, and I’m going to limit this exercise to guys currently on the roster, at positions they could arguably play. It needs to be a functional lineup, and it needs to be bad.

After some deliberation, here’s what I came up with.

Leadoff – LF Darrell Ceciliani (.115/.179/.192, .143 tAV, -0.4 WARP)

With a slash line of .266/.323/.441 at AAA Buffalo, Ceciliani probably isn’t this bad a hitter. But, he’s been awful at the major league level this season, and his history doesn’t suggest much more talent in his bat. As the worst hitter available to the Blue Jays, with an on-base percentage that doesn’t even sniff the Mendoza line, he’s a fine choice for our lead-off spot, as the idea of Ceciliani getting the most ABs should send a shiver through Jays fans (whereas the current leadoff hitter, Jose Bautista, is more likely to do that for the opposition).

2nd – SS Ryan Goins (.186/.231/.314, .187 tAV, -0.7 WARP)

Fans had high hopes for a good Goins this year, after a supposed breakout performance down the stretch in 2015. His bat managed to go from “awful” to “merely bad”, and he took respectable ABs at the bottom of the lineup. There was even talk of putting him above the swing-happy Kevin Pillar, though that talk quieted after Goins regressed quickly to start this year. Goins might seem like a traditional No. 2 hitter (because he’s a middle infielder), but any lineup where he’s this high is doomed to fail. Or, perhaps, doomed to FLAIL AHAHAHAHAHA I’m sorry I’ll show myself out.

3rd – CF Dalton Pompey (.000/.000/.000, -.005 tAV, 0.0 WARP)

With but one major league at-bat to his name this year, Pompey is an open book, a whole new world, with new horizons to pursue. His splits at Buffalo weren’t eye-popping: the .270/.349/.353 suggests a troubling lack of power for someone who may have ample opportunity to claim a corner outfield spot next season. However, that lack of power plays well in a key spot in our worst-we-can-make-it lineup.

Cleanup – DH Josh Thole (.155/.242/.207, .171 tAV, -0.2 WARP)

No terrible Jays lineup would be complete without everyone’s least favourite catcher, in a spot, and position, that would make jaws drop everywhere. You could argue for putting him higher, as he’s probably worse than some of the guys ahead of him. But, the idea of Thole hitting cleanup and being the designated hitter was hilarious enough for me to put him here. His walk percentage relative to the guys ahead of him makes him a better fit higher up, so we’ll drop him down to mitigate that tiny advantage. A bad lineup isn’t just about being terrible at hitting, it’s about organizing it as poorly as possible, and Thole hitting cleanup as the DH checks both of those boxes.

5th- C Dioner Navarro (.211/.270/.335, .221 tAV, -2.3 WARP)

6th – RF Ezequiel Carrera (.236/.319/.333, .242 tAV, -0.1 WARP)

7th – 2B Darwin Barney (.269/.321/.379, .247 tAV, 0.6 WARP)

Moving away from Thole and the Bisons to the actual backups has given our lineup the barest hint of competence, with guys who’ve actually hit in these spots this season.

Navarro has had a bad season, and he’s been in decline since his career year in 2013 with the Cubs. Though he does represent at least a modest upgrade on Thole as a hitter, he still doesn’t really have a definitive skill with the bat to his name. It’s debatable as to whether he or Thole is worse behind the plate, but with the need for Thole as the DH (words that, hopefully, will never be spoken again) he’ll draw the start behind the dish for our group.

Carrera started out the season very well, which was fortunate timing given the injury to Jose Bautista, and the subsequent opportunity in the outfield. A .103/.161/.121 line since the all-star break justifies the lack of playing time he’s received, as he’s now the fifth outfielder behind Melvin Upton Jr. His full season line is roughly in line with the rest of his career, and his lack of power makes him a non-threat in the middle of the order.

Barney replicates a lot of Ryan Goins’ defensive prowess, but can handle the bat a little more than our #2 hitter. He has hit well in stretches in his career, but has generally been about this good. He jumped into the fray when Goins started poorly, filling in until Travis came back, and has been the first call when an infielder needs a rest or is hurt. That’s a useful player, though not someone you want getting regular ABs for long.

8th – 1B Justin Smoak (.225/.314/.407, .257 tAV, -0.1 WARP)

I went back and forth between Smoak and Pillar for this spot, and chose Smoak for a couple reasons. Firstly, we need a first baseman, and Smoak was the best/worst choice. While Thole has played first in the past, he hasn’t for a while, so putting him there stretched credibility. Secondly, while Smoak is a better hitter than Pillar by Baseball Prospectus’ metrics, his at-bats are aggravating in a way that Pillar’s aren’t. He strikes out a lot, to the point where fans dread him coming up with runners on base. Get two strikes on Smoak, and here’s the likely outcome: breaking ball in the dirt, a dispiriting strikeout, and a walk back to the dugout while we all groan at our televisions. The added despair that Smoak brings makes him the right choice for this lineup.

9th – 3B Russell Martin (.246/342/.419, .269 tAV, 3.7 WARP) 

The Jays not calling up Andy Burns for September meant that I couldn’t avoid putting a regular player in this lineup. Thankfully, Martin had his cameo at third base so we could slide him in here. Martin’s good, which is a problem for our bad lineup, so I put him as low as I could. He’s a guy you want catching for you, and a capable hitter, though not someone you want playing third base. The other advantage of having Martin over Troy Tulowitzki (my other possibility to fill this out, based on the numbers), is now I have all three of their catchers in the lineup, and Martin at a mostly unfamiliar spot, increasing their chances for injury at a crucial defensive position.

1 – Darrel Ceciliani – LF
2 – Ryan Goins – SS
3 – Dalton Pompey – CF
4 – Josh Thole – DH
5 – Dioner Navarro – C
6 – Ezequiel Carrera – RF
7 – Darwin Barney – 2B
8 – Justin Smoak – 1B
9 – Russell Martin – 3B

That’s my awful lineup, as bad as I can make it. Bad hitters arranged poorly, in a way that would doom the Jays to a probable loss. Hopefully we never, ever, see this from the Jays, and with how much talent they have, we probably won’t.

Lead Photo: Kevin Sousa-USA TODAY Sports

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1 comment on “The Worst Possible Blue Jays Lineup”

Dave Church, you are a complete moron for even thinking up such a stupid presentation.

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